


Consideration

by Grey (grey853)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama, M/M, Series: Consideration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:30:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey853/pseuds/Grey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair is more than a little upset when Jim goes out alone on a case, but there's more to his anger.  Jim, being a detective, has to investigate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Consideration

## Consideration

by Grey

Author's webpage:<http://grey.ravenshadow.net/>

* * *

Disclaimer: Damn, these cute guys aren't mine, but I do get to snatch them and play with them for awhile when no one's watching. 

* * *

"Don't you think you're over reacting just a little bit here, Chief?" 

Jim Ellison followed closely behind his angry partner as the two entered the loft. His feeble attempts to contain the explosive situation had failed miserably. Blair was truly and sorely pissed. 

"Man, how can you even say that?" 

"But nothing happened." 

"And like what's your point, Jim? Because you didn't get a bullet in your brain this time, I should be pleased and just shut up?" 

"I'm not telling you to shut up, Sandburg. I'm just saying that nothing happened, so I don't see why you're so upset." 

Blair stopped abruptly and swirled to face his friend. Despite the freezing temperatures they'd just left outside, his face held a fiery flush. The heat of his anger almost sparked off his skin. "Nothing happened? How can you stand there and say that to me, man?" 

Jim looked away from the accusing glare. "Look, Sandburg. Everything turned out okay The perp is locked up and there was no blood spilled. So, what's the problem?" He knew it was a mistake to ask as soon as the words left his mouth. 

"The problem, Jim, is that you had a fucking zone out and I wasn't there. That's the fucking problem, my friend." 

Refusing to meet Blair's eyes, Jim continued to stare out the loft windows while he spoke in a soft, appeasing tone. "But it was only for a few minutes, Chief. Simon was there and he managed to pull me out and cover for me. Everything's cool." 

"Well, I'm not fucking cool. You could've been killed, Jim. You could've gotten the others killed, too. What if Simon hadn't been there, man?" Blair repositioned himself in front of his sentinel, trying to force the connection between them. "Look at me, man, and answer the question." 

Taking a deep breath to help contain his temper, Jim carefully shifted his gaze to meet the intense scrutiny of his guide. "Okay, Chief, you win. I'll admit I was wrong about this. I should've waited for you. I should never have gone out alone." 

Shaking his head and turning away in frustration, Blair started pacing back and forth in front of the sofa. Frantically he ran his hand through his wild brown curls. Jim's expected calm was sorely lacking. "Man, you really pissed me off this time, man. I mean you promised me you wouldn't do that anymore. You stood right here and promised me that you would never go out on a major call alone like that and then you fucking turn around and do it anyway." 

Still trying to win himself some kind of saving grace from his partner's tongue lashing, he protested, "When I promised you that, I meant it, Chief. But this call came in and you weren't there and Simon and Brown were both ready for back up." 

"Yeah, but not until you'd already zoned, man. It was just sheer luck Simon showed up out in the field when he did. Anybody else wouldn't have had clue about what to do. Why didn't you just call me?" 

"There wasn't time and I knew you had that important meeting with the dean today." 

"But you didn't even try." Blair stopped his movements and became suddenly very still. He locked his gaze with his friend's. "Jim, you could've been killed today. You could be fucking dead." The pain and fear sliced like stilettos through the space between the two men. 

"Blair, I'm really sorry. I don't know what else to say. It's been a couple of months since anything has happened with my senses. I thought it was safe. I never meant to break my promise or make you this upset." 

"Well, too fucking late, big guy. You did both. And it's never really safe, Jim. It's never really safe for either of us anymore, man." 

Puzzled, Jim asked, "What do you mean it's not safe for either of us?" 

Blair lifted his arms and waved his hands in a dismissive gesture. "Never mind. It's over. I'm too fucking tired to fight about it anymore." As he talked, he walked over to the kitchen area and began to get out bread and salad bags. "I'll just fix us something to eat and then we can go to bed. Forget about it. I mean, it no big deal anyway, right, man?." 

Jim walked over and blocked his path. "No way, Chief. Talk to me here and now. I need to know what you meant. There's a hell of a lot more going on here than you just being pissed off about what happened today." 

"I said forget about it, man." Blair tried to side step, but Jim stood solid and reached out to stop the attempted escape. Don't do this, Jim. Let me through. 

"Come on, Chief. Tell me what's going on with you." 

Blair angrily turned and threw the loaf of bread onto the counter. "Get out of my fucking way, Jim. And fix your own goddamn meal. I'm out of here." 

"Stop being pissy and tell me what's bugging you, Chief." 

"What's bugging me? What's bugging me is you." 

"Me?" 

"Yeah, you, man, the big guy Jim Ellison. You're the one with all the power, man. You make all the decisions and I'm stuck with whatever shit happens." 

"You're not making any sense here, Chief." 

"Okay, here's some sense for you, man. Remember when you accidentally shot the guard and decided to just give up your senses?" 

"You mean before Incacha died?" 

"Yeah, and no matter what I said, it was your way. It didn't matter that I kept trying to explain to you that I really wished you'd have your senses back." 

Uneasy with the disturbing turn of topics, Jim moved back out of the way and leaned against the counter. He wrapped his arms across his chest and cautiously asked, "But I got my senses back, so what's your point? It worked out." 

"My point is that you made the decision without any consideration of my feelings or despite any argument. It was like my feelings didn't matter one bit. You never considered what would happen to me if you weren't my sentinel anymore." 

"Your sentinel, Chief?" 

Nervously, Blair looked away as he brushed back his bushy, out-of-control strands. "Well, yeah. I'm your guide, so I figure that makes you my sentinel. No big deal." 

Jim could hear Blair's heartbeat go even faster than it had when he'd been angry before. His blood pressure pounded like a stormy surf in his veins. His icy blue eyes danced with a sudden passion and fire, that despite his sudden shyness, glistened in the low light of the loft. Jim realized that he didn't need sentinel senses to see the fear and hurt in those eyes. Yet, there was something else there that made him uneasy, but also hopeful. 

Jerking back, arms still crossed, a lightning flash of awareness struck. "You were afraid I wouldn't need you anymore? Is that what you're really upset about, Blair? You actually thought that I'd just drop our friendship because I wasn't a sentinel?" 

"Why is that so hard to believe? I mean, what else do you need a guy like me around if it's not to be your guide?" 

"You're dead wrong here, Chief. You're standing here thinking that if I didn't have my senses that you'd be worthless to me. What kind of selfish prick do you think I am anyway? The guide/sentinel thing is important, sure, but so is our friendship. Do you really believe that having you for a guide is the only reason I keep you around?" 

"What should I believe, Jim? I mean we're only together because you needed me to help you out. It started that way and it's been that way all along. I've accepted that." 

Jim shook his head in utter disbelief. "You amaze me sometimes, Chief. How can you truly think that about yourself or about me?" 

"I think it, because it's true. I mean look at the two of us, man. We are so fucking different that it's astounding. You're physical perfection,the ideal all-American guy, and with those senses you're a modern one-man crime lab. Me, I'm just Blair the science nerd who can't even go to an autopsy after all this time because I'll puke my guts out. You and Simon constantly remind me that I don't know shit about police work. Me, a shaman? What a fucking joke. I don't have a clue about what to do when something happens. I'm stumbling around in the dark most of the time. I've just made a lot of lucky guesses. I don't seem to be able to do anything right. All I seem to do is annoy and irritate. I know I talk too much and too fast and sometimes, Jim, I feel like I'm barely holding on by a thread, man. Then today you pull this stunt by putting yourself at risk again. Do you have any fucking idea how scared that makes me?" 

"Take a breath there, Chief." 

"I'm trying, man." 

"I know you are, Blair. Let's go back to the beginning of this little rambling tirade entitled isn't Blair just a worthless piece of shit." 

"Man, you are not hearing me." 

"Wait a minute, Chief. You had your say, now it's my turn." 

"Okay, Jim. You're right. Go ahead, but, man, I've got to sit down. My head is pounding here." 

Jim watched as his frustrated and frustrating friend made his way to the sofa. He followed him and sat on the edge. He studied him for a moment, took a deep breath, and started. First, let me say that I'm having trouble understanding how you could be saying all this. I mean, Blair, you're the smartest man I know." 

"Smartest? Yeah, right, Jim. Go ahead and say stuff like that as if I can't recognize condescension when I hear it." 

Jim tried to contain his anger. He needed to make his stubborn friend understand. "I swear, Chief, to be so damn bright you really baffle me sometimes. I mean, I don't get it. What happened to you growing up? How did you managed to get so down on yourself? You are smart, too smart sometimes. Maybe that's why Simon and I tease you and say things to compensate for our own feelings of inadequacy." 

"Compensate? Feelings of inadequacy? You been reading again, Jim?" 

"Yeah, we all-American perfect types know a few big words, too, Blair. And see, I'm not the only one who teases sometimes, am I?" 

Guiltily, Blair agreed, "Yeah, I know. I shouldn't do that." 

"But it's okay, because we've always messed around like that. At least I thought it was okay until tonight. It never once occurred to me that you might be insecure about not only yourself, but our relationship, that my teasing you only played to that fear." 

"Man, I know you didn't mean it." 

"No, you didn't, Chief, or you wouldn't be feeling this way. I only wish you'd told me sooner. I mean, I may have heightened senses, but sometimes I'm a dumbfuck when it comes to understanding important things right in front of my face." 

Jim moved onto the couch next to Blair and turned himself so he'd face his friend. He took his arm in a vice-like grip to accent his point. Then he spoke with quiet intensity. "I need you to understand me now, Chief. I need you to know that what I'm saying is the truth. You are my friend and I don't just leave friends, no matter what. You're part of my life for always now. You're stuck with me whether I'm a sentinel or just your all-American perfect cop" 

"Man, I should never have called you perfect." 

"Too late now, Buddy. You said it and now I'm using it every chance I get." 

An uneasy silence settled between them. Blair continued to study his knees, but Jim could tell by his breathing that he was slightly choked up. "Come on, Blair. It's your turn to say something." 

Tugging his arm away, Blair pushed his hair back again. He felt himself blushing under the scrutiny of his friend. Jim sat so close the heat made his skin tingle. He rubbed his arm as he spoke. "Man, I would've listened. Bruising wasn't necessary." 

"Sorry, Blair. I just wanted to touch you. I needed your full attention. You know it tends to wander sometimes." 

"Are you trying to say that I only hear what I want to hear?" 

"Sometimes it seems that way. Now, what else do you need to tell me, Blair?" 

Bright blue eyes met. Electricity sizzled between them. "I need your consideration, man. I need you to think about what I'd feel if anything happened to you, Jim." 

"It's a risk of the job, Chief." 

"But you don't have to risk yourself alone. That's what I need to get through to you, man. I need you to understand that if anything happened to you, it wouldn't just be you. I'd be hurt, too. If you died, I die." The young man looked away trying to hide the anguish he felt. 

"That's not going to happen, Chief." 

"You can't promise that, Jim." 

"No, but I can promise to think about you more in the future. I can promise to do better, Chief. Now, I need something from you in return." 

"What's that, Jim?" 

Jim moved even closer. Carefully he reached out a hand and caught his guide's chin. Gently he lifted it and forced another confrontation of sight. Tell me the rest of it, Blair. What's the real problem here?" 

As if burned, Blair pulled back from Jim's touch. "What are you talking about, Jim? I just want you to take less risks or to at least take me with you when you do." 

"What else?" 

"Nothing else." 

Jim held his unwavering stare. "Don't obfuscate, Chief. Remember who you're talking to here. You can't lie to your sentinel." 

"I'm not lying about anything, Jim." The words were barely a whisper. 

"But it's not the whole picture, is it? Say the words Blair. Look at me with those gorgeous blue eyes of yours and just say the words." 

Taking several deep breaths, trying to believe that he was actually hearing the invitation, he finally said, "I love you, man." 

The tight fist released Jim's heart. A smile graced his face as he cocked his head to look at the young man before him. Blair's magic filled his sight. "You love me?" 

"Yeah, funny, huh? Super nerd anthropologist falls for butch super cop." 

Shaking his head and trying not to laugh, Jim touched his friend's knee lightly. "We really need to work on that self-image problem you have, Chief." Blair kept his leg still, but Jim could feel the coursing heat radiating from his friend's nervousness. It thrilled him and made his throat suddenly feel incredibly dry. 

"When I look at you, I see a beautiful young man full of energy and life that truly inspires me. Do you have any idea how much joy you've brought to this tired old man since you've been here? Do you have any notion at all as to how you saved my very sanity. Chief, without you to guide me, senses or not, I'd be lost." 

Timidly Blair asked, "Do you really mean that, Jim?" 

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't." 

"Man, this feels weird talking like this." 

Jim reached up and pulled the young man a bit closer and then into a cautious embrace. Shortly, Blair's tension faded and he relaxed in the arms surrounding him. "Now this feels really weird, man, not that I'm complaining or anything, but like it's just too different." 

"What's weird about best friends loving each other, Chief?" 

"But I'm in love with you, Jim." 

"Same thing in my book." 

Blair cleared his throat, but stayed in the hug. "Well, not exactly, big guy." 

"I'm not dense, Chief, well, not too dense. I know the difference. I'm just glad that one of us had the balls to finally say it." 

Blair pulled back slightly and looked up into Jim's eyes. "So, now what do we do, Jim? I mean, I've like never been with a man before." 

"Well, you're with one now. As to what we do now, how about we start with a kiss? Would that feel too weird for you?" 

Gulping anxiously, Blair managed, "Probably, but let's try it anyway. I think I can handle a kiss." 

Gently Jim leaned down and brushed his mouth against Blair's. Lightly at first and then with more pressure, lips pushed against warm lips. Jim's tongue flicked and then moved inside the scorching, wet cavern of Blair's mouth. His head swam with the overwhelming sensation of two tongues wrestling. Arms locked around his guide, he remotely recognized the struggle as Blair pulled back and spoke to him. "Come on, Jim, man. Don't zone on me here." 

Blinking, slightly confused, Jim groaned, "Jesus, Blair, that was wonderful." 

"Wonderful? Jim, you zoned, man." 

Smiling sweetly, he leaned in with a whisper, "Well, then Chief, take me to your lab. I do believe we've got our work cut out for us. We need to figure out how to work this thing, because, frankly, my dear guide, now that I have you, you're not getting away." 

"Come on, Jim. Do I look like I want to put up a struggle?" 

"I'm never going to give you the chance, Chief. Come on, let's try that kiss again. Tell me what I need to do." 

"Well, let's try the dials." 

"Great, now come here and let's have another taste of Sandburg." 

The end 


End file.
